i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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