he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Randomize
