there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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