There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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