Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
