The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
