He is like the real live version of the state fair..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
