it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
