exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
