too bad you live with your parents still
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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