so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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