i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
