you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
