The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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