What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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