I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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