I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
