I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Ketchup is God's man juice
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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