and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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