can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
