cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
