i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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