I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I came so hard my ears popped.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
