In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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