yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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