Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
