he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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