eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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