Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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