I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
last night I used snow as a chaser
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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