It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
