how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
