I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
