like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
