we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
