AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
