Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
