Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
