also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
