I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
