Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
