I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
