3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
