just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Actions speak louder than pants.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
