I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
