Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
