she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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