I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I could fuck to npr.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
