I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
