I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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