Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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